You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
