he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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