i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
