how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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