Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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