I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
