1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
