that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
