I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
