Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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