Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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