dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
