2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Your dad touched me again.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
