My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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