i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
