She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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