Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
