bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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