I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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