Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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