Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
i've created a new STD.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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