Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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