I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
God, I missed his penis.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
