i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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