listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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