Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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