Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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