if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
