your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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