she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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