I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
