Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
