How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
