He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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