nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
i out mim tonsoeep
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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