sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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