we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
She has the best kind of daddy issues
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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