i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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