yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
