it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
