Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
