You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
