Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Damn victory sex feels great
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