my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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