she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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