Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
