I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
