woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
