why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
