I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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