am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Two words: blizzard sex
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
