I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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