My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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