she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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