She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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