my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
