Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
