In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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